Monday, July 4, 2011


I struggle with anxiety. I've had panic attacks since I was young. I just start to worry, and I am freaking out for no reason. When I used to have panic attacks I would text one of my friends for hours. She would be awake no matter how late it was. She now lives in a time zone four hours ahead. That means she can't just text me when I'm scared. I've tried to stop them but there's only so much I can do. I know it's irrational, but that doesn't stop the fear. It's this horrible fear. There's nothing to be scared of, I'm just sitting in my living room... not many things stop it. I usually end up staying up until one or two in the morning.
If you look in the bible, it says DO NOT FEAR! In fact, it says it a lot. Whether it is "Do not fear" or "Fear not" it has the same meaning. It is said 365 TIMES!! That's a lot! You'd think I'd get the point! It says constantly not to fear, and that's when the fear is real! Being terrified for no reason would for sure not be what God would want. One of the few things that calms me down enough to see reason is writing, and praying; Or both.
I am damaged from what has happened, and I worry about what will happen... with my parents, with where I live, school, graduating, after grad, everything, anything. I worry enough for about five people. The bible says in Matthew 6:34, "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Hear that? That means: STOP FREAKING OUT. Everything will work out. I need to just relax, to stop and say to myself, God will handle whatever happens. I need to say, hey, nothing bad is happening, it's just me being silly. God has everything under control.
When I freak out I've figured out listening to music helps, or I'll go online and watch one of the Adore videos, or I'll just pray. I need to stop worrying. God has this. He will deal with my future. I'm just making my own life more painful, stressful, and being silly by worrying about something I can't control. God has my interests at heart, He is going to take care of me. So maybe it's time to give it up. To let go of what I've been holding on to and to say, hey God, you can have this, I want you to control what happens, I'm tired of fighting You, I'm just along for the ride.

"Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 56:11

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