Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Year

So Christmas is over and a new season is soon to come. This post is going to be short since my whole left hand and half my arm have been taken over with a splint (don't ask how I managed that). Most people love Christmas. It is the season of giving, blah blah blah. I personally don't like Christmas. It doesn't matter how many presents I get, or how beautiful the Christmas tree is. I don't like it because no matter what, everyone gets super hyped up, and it's all about presents and it's stressful. My parents become absolute grumps when Christmas time is around. As much as I love getting yelled at everyday for about a month, no thanks. I'm glad Christmas is over now though.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve. People go out and get wasted to welcome in the new year. When I look back on the year that just passed... it almost physically hurts. It feels like I've lost so many friends. Whether they moved across the country, or went off to university, or even just moved off the island. It sucks to have people move away. In high school, unless you are close with your family then friends are everything. When friend move away though, adults just expect you to move on like it's nothing. There are days I just want to start crying because I want my friends back, or I want to go back in time. It sucks.
At the same time I know there's more good times, or bad times, ahead. It's worth hoping this year will be better then the last one. So here I am, just praying, that this year will be better. That the good times will outweigh the bad ones, and that maybe, just maybe, I'll survive.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The (not so) little voice

I think everyone has the little nagging voice in the back of your head. It whispers in thoughts, you're not good enough, you're not important, you will never accomplish anything. I think it is in almost everyone, and you have the power to shut it up. The more you ignore it and fill yourself with good happy thoughts that you truly believe, the quieter it gets. I never said this was an easy thing. It would take a lot of confidence in yourself, and God to make that voice shut up. It is a lot easier, and more harmful, to just listen to it.
I'm pretty bad about that. I let the voice talk to me, and everything it says is truth, in my mind anyway. It gets worse and worse until this "little" voice, really isn't all that little anymore. It is telling you all these awful things about yourself. The more you listen to it, the worse the thoughts get: you're worthless, you're fat, no one likes you, why are you even alive... I think if you let these little voices go on for long enough, it becomes a monster. The monster eats away at everything, your happiness, your self esteem, your religion, everything that makes you feel good. Then what's left...
I'm definitely not saying I'm the best person to tell you how to fight these voices. In fact, I'm really the last person you'd ever want to come to. I'm great at telling other people how amazing they are and how beautiful and loved they are. When it comes to myself, I just can't. All I see is bad, all I know is beating myself up. I refuse to even listen when someone tells me I'm beautiful or anything like that. But I do have suggestions.
1. Don't listen when people say negative things. There are always going to be people out there that want to put you down. You know what? they aren't worth your time, or effort. If they are there to make themselves feel better by making you feel worse, you don't need that.
2. You time is important. Even if you think you don't deserve some time to yourself to relax, give it to yourself anyway. being stressed out all the time drives a person to do some crazy things.
3. Ignore the voice. This is the hardest. I'm not saying you will be able to block it out totally, and there will be moments in your life, unhappy ones, that the voice springs up and attacks you. Just tell it to go away, surround yourself with people that can help, and attack back.
4. Lastly, Don't give up. I really mean this one. Life can suck at times, and you can feel down in the dumps, but there's always hope. A friend of mine once hold me that hope is something you choose to have, and not something you can lose. So hold on, times can get tough, and it can be too hard to handle by yourself. Get someone to help you, talk to a friend, I don't know, anything.
Sometimes everyone needs a reminder how beautiful and amazing of a person they are. Sometimes they brush what you say off, but it's all that little voice in their head telling them (or you) that they/you aren't good enough. Just hold on, and remember, someone loves you.