Friday, August 6, 2010

Visit with a friend

Today I went to see a friend who I hadn't had a chance to sit down with in way too long. We talked about life in general, and while we were sitting there I was holding her baby boy thinking... what if I'm a bad mum? When I get older (preferably at least 5 years) and have a baby, am I going to be able to take care of it? I think most people feel a little anxious about babies, but when I hold babies they have this lovely habit of crying the second I hold them. I'm starting to question if I have that motherly instinct that supposedly all women have. It's definately a bit early to be questioning this, but it's still something I worry about.

We talked about this blog for a minute, I told her I had stopped writing in it. She was telling me that I should continue to write in it, that it could help to get out feelings, that it could help others. I can't help but think most people will write off what I say because of the fact that I'm only 16. I understand I'm a teenager and I still have things to learn. She told me I wasn't expected to be an adult, but at the same time there are people that do expect me to act like an adult. On one side I have people telling me to just losen up and act like a kid, now's my time to make mistakes, and on the other side I have people telling me to stop acting childish, that I am getting older and it's time for me to act more like an adult.

I have no idea what being sixteen is all about. Am I supposed to be making tons of mistakes? or acting maturely? I have no idea. All my life has been about so far is getting along, going to school, going to work... A part of me wants to hurry up and be out of highschool, have a job, get my life going... but another part of me wants to stay exactly where I am.

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